


Haircut Assault

by Mushaloons



Series: Kidge and their fucking hair [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Haircuts, Keith is a The Office fan, Keith is angsty over cameras and haircuts, Pidge and safety scissors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 17:53:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13886025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mushaloons/pseuds/Mushaloons
Summary: Pidge gives Keith a haircut. Keith is a baby when it comes to his hair.





	Haircut Assault

"Aah! Not the back!"

Pidge rolled her eyes, dropping the hair. "Then what's the point of getting a haircut?" She asked.

Keith shrugged, purposely avoiding her eyes in the mirror. "Allura said I needed to be neater for the alliance gala thing." 

"Which also roughly translates to she finds your current hairstyle makes you look homeless." Her fingers looped around the lock of hair again. "So we're gonna need to cut this off."

"When did she ever specific I needed to cut off the back?" Pidge held up a card that read CUT OFF HIS DUCKTAIL. "...never mind. But it's a waste of time to just cut it off now-"

"Name the last time you had a haircut."

"Two years ago, but-"

"That's a pretty long time." She countered. "Doesn't your hair get irritating after a while though?" 

"I could always tie it up-"

"Yeah but you always lose your hair ties too." Keith turned away from her, partially not wanting to admit his forgetfulness and partially offended. He felt the hand on his shoulder softening. "Jim Halpert had to cut his hair too, when he went to New York." She whispered gently. 

He glanced away. "Jim's also a fictional character."

"Fictional or not, he needed to give up things eventually too. Including his hair." She tugged on his hair softly. Her other hand reached over him to grab the scissors. Their sharp, shiny blades made Keith queasy. "But-"

She kneeled down to face the sitting boy in the eye. "Come on, dude, you gotta let go of this hair. It'll grow back eventually. Also it's starting to hog up the showers a lot more too." She stood up and walked to the back of his chair, spinning him around a little. "You can cut my hair off too." 

 _What?_ His eyes shot up and met hers. "You're kidding." 

She stared back without a trace of sarcasm. "Does it look like I'm kidding?"

"N-no."

"Then be a good little boy and let me cut your damn hair in peace." She gave the scissors a light  _snip._ "Ready?"

He looked up at his reflection of his hair, the "mullet", as Lance liked to call it.  _He'd finally shut up about it. And also, it could use a clean up. Besides, in three months it'll be back to normal. Like Pidge never assaulted it with safety scissors._

Taking in a deep breath, he nodded. Pidge smiled and grabbed the lock of hair. He was just about to start mentally preparing himself when-

SNIP!

He practically threw himself out of the chair to see what happened. Thick locks of black hair laid there, dead. A hand flew to the back of his head. Nothing. Oh _shit._ He sat back in his seat, visibly and mentally shaking. 

"Don't fidget." Pidge ordered. "Only a few more cuts."

A few MORE? He screwed his eyes shut. What did he get himself into? 

* * *

 

"Not bad Kogane." Pidge swung the mirror haphazardly, admiring the short pixie cut she now sported. She set the mirror back down on Allura's vanity. A tiara was a few centimeters away, giving her an idea.

"Pidge no."

She flashed the boy a small grin. "Pidge  _yes._ " 

"Allura will kill us."

She shrugged. "Eh. She killed your hair so I guess her tiaras have to die."

"You're the one who cut my hair with safety scissors. Who'd you steal them from, a baby?"

Pidge gasped and hugged the small pair of blades to her chest. "Don't talk about Edward Scissorhands that way!" She scolded him. "Especially not in front of his face!"

"Edward Sciss-I'm not even going to ask."

"Good. Stop offending him."

A surprisingly lightweight circlet was plopped onto his (now mullet-less) head. He watched Pidge as she put a green one onto her hair. They stood side by side at the mirror, both wearing overly glitzy tiaras that were threatening to fall off. "This calls for a photo."

Wait. What?

A small arm looped around his neck, while the other hand clutched a blue camera (Courtesy of Lance). "What are you doing?" 

"Taking a photo!" She replied in a duh voice.

"Pidge no-!"

The flash went off.

He ducked for cover. 

The tiara tumbled to the ground into shards of Altean metal and jewels.

Everything went white.

Keith died.

Only he wasn't dead. He was just being stepped on by green Converse. He stared up at her. "Did I die?" He asked meekly.

"No, you overdramatic dummy." She hopped off of him, leaving dirty footprints on his shirt.

Great. Now he had to do laundry. 

"But you will in a matter of minutes." Pidge gestured to the broken pieces of tiara lying discarded on the floor. "Allura's gonna kill you, and that's putting it lightly."

"...oh shit."

"Oh shit indeed. Get the broom!"

"What-"

"Hurry!"

"I'm going as fast as I can!"

When Allura interrogated them about her missing tiara, everyone was confused. Well, almost everyone. A certain two Voltron arms refused to look her in the eye. 

They got dish duty for a month. Pidge blamed Keith for being overdramatic. And Keith? Well...

Keith blamed the haircut. 

**Author's Note:**

> How did nobody make this yet
> 
> Like wtf
> 
> I told myself to take a break
> 
> I lied
> 
> Also I gave Pidge safety scissors.


End file.
